Today I felt like nothing but I big fat failure. I can't seem to get a hold of myself God. My life feels so chaotic. I don't know why. People of the world have got it together better than me and they don't even have you. Maybe that's why I accept what my husband says to me about who I am, I fear that if anyone else knew how off I am, they would despise me. Sometimes I think, I don't blame my husband for hating me, I hate many things about myself too. I can't tell if I'm depressed or lazy or apathetic. I dunno God. All I can cry is help. Help me be more like you. Help me get my life under some control. What next God? What next? My heart is heavy and there are no words to express what it's saying. I think I've said everything there is to say, I've prayed every prayer, I recognize that I need you desperately to even get out of bed each day. I can't even do the dumb dishes without praying for help. I'm pathetic, God. I think I'm an embarrassment to your kingdom. I am so grateful you still love me. I'm so glad it's not based on me. So very glad. Thank you for loving me so faithfully even though no one deserves it less than me. No one, God. I'm so blessed. I pray for my friends who are lost, save them God. Tracie, Nikki, Adan, Andy, Karen, my dad and anyone else in my family who has deceived me into believing they are saved. Marlene, Maribel and Jesus. Melina, Nando, my inlaws and Adriana, her family. God so many people are lost. So many of my friends are lost... Thank you that I can come to you in prayer. You have my heart, God, you really have my heart. Draw me even closer to you.